Stop dimming your light to make others feel comfortable (how to SHINE without giving a f*ck)

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00:00 Intro
00:55 The Big Leap and the upperlimit problem
01:39 The belief that holds us back
02:59 Do you have an upperlimit problem?
04:00 Shine your light and be an example to others
05:25 Shine your light!
06:29 Be your own source of validation

If your friends threw you a birthday party and there was a whole bunch of people there,
and there’s all this attention that’s coming at you, are you able to receive that love and attention, or do you kind of push it away? This is something I realized in my own shadow recently, where it’s being afraid to shine or being afraid to have the attention on you.

And you might look at me and you’re like, well, you make YouTube videos, you’re in social media and you have all this stuff going on, so you’re always putting yourself out there. But I think it’s like within a certain context, like within the context of me making content and adding value, it’s very easy for me to do that, but I’ve never really been the kind of person that like wants the attention on me when it’s like a get together or even like a birthday party.

I’ve never really been a huge fan of like throwing some crazy party for myself. And recently I read a book that’s called the Upper Limit. It’s not called the upper limit, what’s it called? It’s called the Big Leap. It’s called the Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks. And in that book, it talks about something called the upper limit problem.

And we all have an upper limit problem that is keeping us from really making the big leap into the next phase of our life, into a new way that we can be. And what I’ve recognized for myself is on one hand, I’m moving into doing live events.

I’m moving into this new phase where there will be more attention on me, but in a way, kind of pushing it away or afraid of it. And one of the reasons being is because it could be a part of my own shadow. Because one of the things that’s it talks about in this book is that many of us have these subconscious things that hold us from stepping into our true power, and one of them is this belief or this fear that if I jump into this power, into this new version of myself, then I’m going to outshine other people.

And I can dial this all the way back to my childhood because I was the only child until I was about three years old when my brother was born, and the attention shifted from being on me to my brother, and then from that point going forward, I remember feeling unworthy, there a level where I felt like I didn’t want to outshine my brother, I remember that too.

So I would always put the attention off of me and onto him. And it was an interesting thing because I can see how in my life I’m afraid of shining too bright because it might either trigger other people or make other people feel significant. I think a lot of empaths
have this ability to, because empathic people can feel other people’s energy, and they want everyone else to be good.

And me being a one of four kids, my parents were divorced, so I have a lot of brothers and sisters. I was, I’m the oldest. So I think that I was always trying to mitigate and trying to balance out the family in a way, becoming like a fixer. But I can see how me not wanting to shine has caused me to also have a block around me stepping into this new phase of my life, like this new empowered state of being.

So my question to you is, do you have an upper limit problem? Is there some level of
identity, like a lot of times with more abundance even, we’re afraid that if we become abundant, that we’re going to leave our friends behind, we’re going to leave our family behind, or we’re somehow like stepping outside of what we should be doing, because of our parents had to suffer, then we also had to suffer.

You see, these are part of that upper limit problem that it talks about in the book, but not wanting to shine because you might make other people feel insignificant is something that you can become aware of and you can realize that the attention coming onto you, it’s their problem, that’s their stuff, not yours, if they get triggered by it, and you don’t have to try to mitigate how they feel.

But understand this as well, you can also reframe this. I’m reframing this as what if I step into my mission, my purpose, my passion by doing live events and stuff like that. And I’m this most empowered version of myself.

And what if that is able to empower other people to then step into their power? You see what the difference is there?

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