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Boundaries used to be something that was really hard for me to set. And when I realized that in a way, think of this analogy this is a life changer. When you really start to see it think of boundaries as an actual fence. Now imagine that you have this beautiful garden let’s say over here, there’s like this beautiful garden or something like that. And let’s say that your job is to nurture the plants. Your job is to water the plants to take care of the soil. And this is your garden. This is your space. Now imagine what happens is somebody comes into your garden and what they do is they literally tear up all the beautiful plants. Imagine that somebody comes into the garden and starts dictating how you should go about what you’re doing. Even if that means it’s at the detriment of the plants themselves. Now imagine that somebody comes in and just starts, gets a rake, gets a hole and just starts chopping up your beautiful strawberries or some type of apple tree or whatever it is. Now the key is realizing that when you get that of a fence and you put that around your garden you are then establishing boundaries so that people don’t come into your garden to chop up your vegetables, to take it or to dictate how things go.
Now, here’s the trippy thing. Now for myself, I know that with what I went through in childhood, that there was a part of me that felt safe with other people coming into my garden to dictate how things went. This is the trippy thing you might say, well why is it hard to set boundaries? One of the reasons it’s hard for people to set boundaries is because they actually feel safe with other people in their garden dictating how they go about taking care of their vegetables or their plants or fruits or whatever it is. I know that sounds kind of crazy but the other thing is they may feel responsible for other people’s gardens. So because somebody over there doesn’t have their shit growing well, they’re not growing great apple trees will come over to my garden. I have apple trees. I’ll let you dictate what goes on. You see what happens. It’s not your responsibility to make sure that everybody else has great apples. It’s not your responsibility to tend to other people’s gardens, but in the same way it is your responsibility to protect your own garden so that you’re able to fill up your own cup your own strawberry basket, whatever it is.
But the key to this is realizing. And for me there’s a very strong thing that’s been happening with me over the last couple of months now really I’ve been learning to go more inside of my body and to be in my own frame. And the more I do this, the more empowering it feels. And then the more I’m not like afraid of setting my own boundaries. I don’t feel guilty when I do something ’cause I wanna do it. And I don’t feel guilty when I maybe say no to doing something I really don’t wanna do. But the guilt comes from responsibility. If we believe it’s our responsibility to allow people in our garden, then of course it’s gonna be hard for us to say no. If we believe that it’s safer for someone else to come into our garden and to do that then what we’ll do is we’ll keep allowing it in, but realize that you protecting your own boundary gives you the momentum so that you can really go in the direction that you want. So that’s my analogy.
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